How to Give a Better Physics Talk

Brian B. Schwartz (Brooklyn College, CUNY, bschwart@email.gc.cuny.edu)

Listed below, in no particular order, are the most important rules
for giving a good talk at a professional meeting.

1. Carefully check each viewgraph for spelly misteaks. 

II. KEEP all Type ON each viewgraph the Same Size and Fonts. 

3. DO NOT OVERUSE BOLD IN ORDER TO MAKE A POINT. 

4. Be sure to keep within the confines and boundaries of the template
provided to you by the 

8. Make sure the viewgraphs are ordered correctly. 

5. Absolutely no alcohol during the talk. (This applies to the speaker only.) 

6. Answer all questions, even if you have to make up the answer. 

7. Do not raise or lower your voice suddenly. This could disturb those
resting in the audience. 

9. Make use of the accuracy - clarity duality. It is very easy to be
both inaccurate and unclear at the same time. 

10. No salacious physics jokes about two physicists and a religious person. 

11. Your talk should be extemporaneously given and remember: No singing or
dancing most of the time. 

12. Be sure to include the phrase on each overhead: " This talk could not
possibly be supported by the US Government, Industry or any Educational
Institution." 

13. Prior to the talk, practice the art of ducking any flying vegetables. 

14. Don't let boo's or hisses cause you to stray from your prepared talk. 

15. Under no circumstances should you delete any overheads from your talk.
If you need to, speak more rapidly and quickly flash all of the viewgraphs.
The Guinness Book of World Records for an APS meeting is 56 viewgraphs, 12
with substantial equations, given in only 10 minutes at a spoken rate of
430 words per minute. (This is the equivalent to compressing a 2-hour talk,
saving the audience from 1 hour and 50 minutes of boredom).

16. Hand gestures to emphasize particular points can be used extensively,
provided they do not insult any particular ethnic group. 

17 There is no need for a concluding overhead if you have said or think
you have said everything. 

18. In the end, there are no rules.